Tag Archives: expectations

It’s All about Perspective

My parents taught me at a young age to always have clear expectations of what I wanted out of life. When I was a tween (after the “big talk”), my parents encouraged me to make a list of expectations in a potential husband. I began the list of “musts” and “cannots.” Shortly, my mother (and I know she did this lovingly), redirecting me to one of the “must” items on my list that read “He must be a Christian,” said, “Don’t you mean you want him to be a Baptist?”

“Sure,” I responded crossing out the word Christian, replacing it with the word Baptist, all the while knowing that my husband being a Baptist was not at the top of my “musts” list. Honestly, I didn’t care then, and I do not care now. Furthermore, I became a Catholic, which at first seemed like the initiation of the Spanish Inquisition, but overall, my family handled it with grace.

Whether a Christian is a Baptist, or a Catholic, or a member of any other denomination (or a non-denominational Christian, for that matter), they all believe in God. They all have their codes, standards, practices, and rituals, but ultimately, in my opinion; religion is nothing above a man-made organization in which tries to make logical sense out of something that must be taken on faith alone.

In that moment I realized that I was an individual, separate from my parents. I spent the better part of my teen years trying to convince my parents that I was different than them. My father is a very logical man and would sit down and discuss things with me. My mother and I did not have logical discussions about anything. We mainly argued about everything. Those were some tough years for both of us. Luckily, we are very close now. Somehow along the way, we learned how to just be. I have many characteristics that come from both my parents, but there is enough of me that is different to make my parents ask each other, “Where did that come from?”

Autonomy is a wonderful thing. The allowance of autonomy is even better. I think we as educators try so diligently to teach the way we were taught. I mean, what else are we supposed to do, right? I certainly did not learn everything I needed to know about teaching in college. In fact, if we were to survey teaching styles and learning styles, most teachers teach how they learn. I know I do. I am very visual as a teacher and a learner. I have to see it, draw it, plan it, picture it. I get lost in lecturing. Sure, I like to have class discussions, but a straight lecture? I do not remember the last time I lectured in a classroom. Present and discuss, now that I love. When I think about the word ‘lecture,’ I remember my biology classes from college where the professor lectured in a lecture hall, and we all copied his notes word for word off the chalkboards. It was boring as hell!

If we teach the way we were taught, then we must also manage our classrooms in the way we were managed, or dare I say disciplined? I remember just a handful of teachers I had throughout my entire educational career that treated me and my classmates like we were idiots.

Most of my teachers were kind, loving, caring creatures that I did not realize existed outside of the school walls. I remember being startled by the site of my elementary school principal at the grocery store. There are two teachers, both of which I did not have in school, who became friends with my mother. I still keep in touch with both of them, although I would never consider them colleagues. They are more like mentors to me.

Here is where the controversy will begin . . .

I have taught and currently teach with some adults who treat students so poorly. I am actually appalled by these adults. (In the background of my mind I hear the theme song to this paragraph, Michael Buble’s “Feeling Good” . . . It’s a new dawn . . . It’s a new day . . . It’s a new life . . .”) . . . I know there was a time when a child was taught that he was to be seen and not heard. I know there was a time when a child was taught not to speak until someone has spoken to him. I know there was a time when a child was to show all others his elder respect by saying, “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Sir.” And, there is nothing wrong with those teachings or the time in which they were taught. However, with that being said, that time is not today. The students who walk through our hallways deserve to be treated with dignity and grace. The students who walk through our hallways deserve to be shown respect. Yes, I said respect!

The days when the old saying that one must show respect to receive respect is leaving this world if it is not already gone. Today a teacher needs to show respect in order to receive respect. I understand how this may sound to some people. On the other hand, I see how teachers disrespect their students, and try to play the “Well, when I was in school, I would have never even thought . . . ” card. Newsflash, honey . . . those might have been the days, but “It’s a new day!” Change has arrived.


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